I was in senior high school, started playing sports, working out and began getting attention from the opposite sex. Out of curiosity, I got a girl friend, before I knew it that was the first girl I got involved with sexually. From then on, everything went downhill, I was doing things to please her; things I won’t normally do like disobeying my parents. I disobeyed my mum to attend prom because I had already paid for everything. From then on I tasted what it was like to live the life ‘I always wanted’.
Fresh man year was good and GPA was really high but sophomore year my grades started slipping, because I was so into clubbing and parties and I was still with my girlfriend from high school but we broke it off eventually. From then it became a regular thing to get involved with girls and it became a lifestyle like that was who I was. Interestingly, I thought I was doing well. I still attended church, keeping up appearance and participating in church activities. I knew inside of me I wasn’t okay, but I didn’t know how to remedy that. Whenever I felt a void, I got involved in something else but it never filled that void. I wasn't focused as a result of this I changed school twice.
My first semester at my third University, I did badly because I was so much into the ‘life’ I lived then. I always tried to fix things that got bad, I always had a plan but everything I fixed, nothing really worked.
I kept playing the games, like a charade. I said to me, “I need to go back to church”. I was using my own wisdom to be good and to do things better but it never worked because that was self-righteousness. I kept going back to my old life. I could never get committed to God; everything I tried pushed me deeper into the bondage I was in. I said ‘I’m done with women, done with clubs’ and I got back into something deeper.
Soon, I got addicted to pornography and this was a huge monkey for me. For years I battled with it but eventually discussed with my pastor. I felt I was on drugs, whenever I couldn't get a fix, I got into it.
At some point, I got involved with a fraternity because a friend at school was involved. I decided to pledge to the fraternity. It was the last day of the pledging process my mother found out and was highly upset, she cried and all my family got together to talk about it. At first, I tried denying it but gave up and told them the truth. They talked to my pastor but at that time I wasn't convicted, I was doing those things to please my mum, so she wouldn’t cry. I met up with my pastor and he prayed for me but inside me I still wanted to do what I was doing. I took some time off just to keep it low-key. When I got back to school, I got back into the fraternity and sometimes we attended meeting in other states and I would lie to my family about my whereabouts.
In the fraternity, I found myself being surrounded by all the things I've been burdened by. I kept playing the charade, my life was going down hell, and there was nothing in me that was successful.
The turning point came on one convention and the message spoke to me. And I decided I wouldn't go that way of life any more, no drinking, parties or women; I stuck to it. But I was still involved with the fraternity. Then my mother found out again when she found a paraphernalia that we wore; she had been praying and got a revelation that I was still involved with them. I kept up all appearances so no one noticed but you can’t really hide from God. The Holy Spirit led her to check my jacket, I lied but I ended up confessing. I could see the hurt in her eyes that she could never trust me again, I had disappointed her. That was a driving point for me – I decided to stop going to the meetings and chose serving God truly. I stopped taking their calls and made an effort to stop the fraternity. But pornography was still a major thing for me, the more I chased after God, God moved that burden off me.
I travelled to Virginia to see my sister and I met up with a pastor’s son. He really challenged me and that Sunday, I surrendered everything and from there I never went back. I started reading the bible more, kept pushing for more of God and dedicated my life more to God. Previously, I was serving God like an activity but now I am truly living my life for God. It wasn't me doing the work any more but God was doing the work in me. God was pushing me and taking me out of temptation and he directed me where to go. There was a summer I didn't go anywhere because if I had gone anywhere else I would have found myself in the same bondage. But there is more to come, if you want more of God you need to go deeper.
I met up with a brother at church and he prayed for me and that led to my baptism of the Holy Ghost. After that, I had a different strength, the Holy Spirit was really helping me, and I was just in tune with God. There are so many things now I don’t take for granted because I understand what it feels like to be out of tune and out of touch with God in such a way that you have nothing holding you back, everything your flesh wants you give it.
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Thank you!